Life is the sum of choices, bad and good… the paths and ways you walk and choose, the trains you missed.
I just can’t remember when the moment was that I lost it. I don’t remember when the way became very small and short, when the dimensions of the same place became tiny and gray, when the colors disappeared.
I start to feel like I’m at the end of a journey — my journey. I’m stuck, and there is no way of getting out of all of this. I thought that by changing the place I would find freedom, the way to get back. But no — still trapped, still rolling the same movie.
I just can’t stop thinking and questioning myself: why is everything I did worthless? People with less have more, are more appreciated, but me — I’m just rejected. No matter how many studies, efforts, and skills I developed, I’m still worthless according to society’s values.
And then you see the typical idiot who doesn’t remember where he studied, because he didn’t — and yet he is the model of society.
I remember every sleepless night I studied, every effort I made, every single language I learned. Nothing was easy — just effort, a lot of effort and ambition. But everything I chased was wrong. Maybe there was truth in what all those teachers told me: you cannot break any barrier because you come from nothing. You are not brilliant, they said — you are just a hard worker, and that doesn’t have any value.
To what point… nothing. A waste of time. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. You can fight with books and studies, but you cannot fight the world or destiny. You can’t make society like you or appreciate you, no matter how much you work, sacrifice, or give.
I wish I had an “off” button to put an end to it, but even that becomes complicated — just drinking the poison until the end.























